just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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