you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
