My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
