i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
