I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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