He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Damn victory sex feels great
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
