I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I am available for nakedness
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
