I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
