So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
