Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
