"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
