We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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