glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
