wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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