How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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