My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
