using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
