omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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