"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
