i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
