i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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