i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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