I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
