i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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