; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
