let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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