Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
