I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
