Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
