allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
