I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
