whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
