return my video game
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
