letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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