i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
