I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
