She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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