Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
