So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
