I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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