Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
