Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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