I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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