I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
