We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
