im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
hell yes lets make some ravioli
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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