do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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