You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
