We won't sleep together?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
this will be a night to untag.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
