I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
