did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
